tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post6911195806755447529..comments2023-12-11T08:16:17.308-06:00Comments on Bankerchick's Scratchings: Rain on the Window-Write on Edgekatie eggemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00615362861509258088noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-9190753646743154182012-11-24T20:16:58.867-06:002012-11-24T20:16:58.867-06:00Yikes! Scary stuff. Yikes! Scary stuff. Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05407917830307384493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-57164103891211637472012-11-18T06:09:32.080-06:002012-11-18T06:09:32.080-06:00Echoing Angela--this started as a normal day and e...Echoing Angela--this started as a normal day and ended in a very different place. Nice job taking us on the journey. There are some places where you could tighten the prose: "She sees lights flicker off" to "Lights flicker off..." and "She is answered with silence" (passive voice).Kathleen Basihttp://www.kathleenbasi.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-43322901012024657642012-11-17T12:29:11.452-06:002012-11-17T12:29:11.452-06:00Nice job of building suspense here. There are a co...Nice job of building suspense here. There are a couple places where the sentences get a little long, and breaking those up might help build it even more. angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14974137283220034062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-52808129075174577382012-11-17T02:47:47.884-06:002012-11-17T02:47:47.884-06:00Not a good place to be, Toni! Liked the last line,...Not a good place to be, Toni! Liked the last line, such a good cut off place, leaving the readers asking a lot of "whys"!<br /><br />stopping by from the WOE linkupCG @ Paper Furyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14954615708675952085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-53170395790637974752012-11-16T21:24:53.241-06:002012-11-16T21:24:53.241-06:00Good, suspense-building here, drop by drop, so to ...Good, suspense-building here, drop by drop, so to speak. CJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11105598015852813723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-90634943568061055402012-11-16T15:42:11.567-06:002012-11-16T15:42:11.567-06:00Great suspense and way to end it in a way that lea...Great suspense and way to end it in a way that leaves me wanting more.Patricia JLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582005500429122486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-68128952484965577352012-11-16T13:53:46.343-06:002012-11-16T13:53:46.343-06:00Hello Cliffhanger. I appreciate the suspenseful pa...Hello Cliffhanger. I appreciate the suspenseful pacing here, especially how the momentum picks up at the crucial moment she discovers the body. By the time we arrive here I know a little bit about her, that she is a corporate professional of some kind, and that she is not daunted by 3 flights of stairs--i.e. she's got some confidence. If there is ever more word count added here I would love to know something delicious about her character. <br /><br />Stopping by from Write on Edge.Tina L. Hookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12780807680745838371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-3861279813201953972012-11-16T13:43:04.251-06:002012-11-16T13:43:04.251-06:00I thought that you did a great job building the te...I thought that you did a great job building the tension, and I thought the safety light line was perfect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-79138960459601179002012-11-16T13:33:31.712-06:002012-11-16T13:33:31.712-06:00Oooo.... suspense. Of course I got kind of scared ...Oooo.... suspense. Of course I got kind of scared the minute I realized she was in an office building, alone, and the lights were out. I work in an office building (on the third floor) and I would be a basket case under those circumstances.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16666910475457302786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-67219885897547383662012-11-16T12:48:04.007-06:002012-11-16T12:48:04.007-06:00"leaving murky rivulets of rainwater..."..."leaving murky rivulets of rainwater..." Love little details like this throughout the piece. Sometimes description is left out like this in a shorter piece, but you've done a great job of infusing it and still sticking to the 400 word count. Well done! Ericka @ Creative Liarhttp://creativeliar.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1880412498278791532.post-11905998785226956692012-11-16T10:00:43.361-06:002012-11-16T10:00:43.361-06:00Very good, will there be more?Very good, will there be more?Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12099030819314552958noreply@blogger.com