Friday, March 16, 2012

La Vie Nocturne- WRITE ON EDGE

Write on Edge is having us look at anti-heros or antagonist. The way they see it (and not everyone will agree), all villains are anti-heroes, but all anti-heroes are not villains. I have continued this story here.

Jessica met him at the Discotheque Vie Nocturne, when she and the roommates went clubbing in Baton Rouge several weeks ago.  Suzanne liked the club's  dark and gothic design. Elaine giggled that it was supposed to be under vampire ownership. Jessica smiled at Elaine's gullibility. 

The dance floor throbbed with music and light, and they danced the night away.
At 12:30 Jessica returned to their table exhausted and thirsty when she noticed him, looking dark and moody, in the booth next to her.  Their eyes met and his steady gaze unnerved her slightly.

He glided over to her table smiling and introduced himself.  “I am Antoine, I own the club.” 

She was speechless; he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Finally she stuttered, “I’m Jessica.”

Antoine was dressed in black. “Just like a proper vampire,” she mused. His deep green eyes burned into hers and she had to look away.
Yes." May I get you something fresh to drink?” Startled, she nervously looked around for her friends. Was he saying yes, to her unspoken thought?

“I’ll have ice water and a slice of lemon; I’m the designated driver tonight.” She murmured.
He raised his finger to the server and pointed at her with a brief nod.  “I have never seen you here before, you are not a regular?” He had a slight accent that Jessica couldn’t recognize.

Yes."  "I am from Slovakia” he answered again, without being asked.  
Jessica looked deep into the emerald eyes and shivered.

I am just good at reading people,” he smiled. The server brought her water and Antoine continued, “Have you and your friends enjoyed yourselves tonight?”

“Yes, the DJ is great and I’m having a good time,” she answered nervously. “I’m not sure where my roommates are, we really should be getting home soon. It’s quite drive back to New Orleans, this time of night.” Why did I say that, she thought?” “Where are the restrooms?” she asked aloud.

“Let me show you.” He lifted her up by her elbow, and he ushered her between the curtains under the exit sign. The air was thick and scented with jasmine. She thought she would swoon.

“That’s OK,” she said as she tried to wrest her arm from him.  He gazed deeply into her eyes and she felt like she was falling toward a cliff edge.

He pointed to the left. Second door,” he smiled.

Jessica felt foolish, as she washed her hands.  “He’s lovely and I’m worried he is a vampire.”  "Stupid, stupid roommates. . .”  She returned to the table, where Suzanne and Elaine were waiting. Antoine was at another table talking to a beautiful blond and her date.

 “Hey, I saw you talking to Antoine. What’s he like?”  asked Elaine

“Well he is no vampire, but if he was, it might be worth knowing him, he’s charmingly sinister.” said Jessica, “Let’s go.”

Antoine looked over at her and nodded as they left.

"Yes. I am.”  She heard him whisper. She looked back sharply but he was nowhere to be seen. The night air smelled of jasmine.


  1. As long as he doesn't sparkle and she doesn;t have his baby, I'm into this story.

    Creative, fun take on the prompt. I like the decsriptions of the club.

  2. I agree with Lance, hooray for no sparkle! LOL

    I like the way Antoine came off as attractively menacing. Like the dancing flame that begs to be touched, even though you know it'll burn you every time.

  3. Oooh. Creepy. I liked the mind-reading. I'm iffy on the whole antagonist aspect (for the prompt) so I won't comment on that part.

    I did get a little lost in one area where there were quotes and maybe didn't need to be? But once I got the flow of it I loved the mystery. And I don't do vampire stuff! ;)

  4. I think I cleaned up the quotes now. I just have a hard time. I have a book I was going to read about grammer and punctuation but I have not got around to it yet.

  5. I like the ambiguity. He's definitely sinister, but not necessarily a black hat—maybe just an intuitive, exotic stranger.

    Great atmosphere in this!

  6. Good. I would like to read more of this.

  7. Oooh! A sinister man/possible vamp! Mysterious and intriguing--I want to know more about him, please.

  8. I am such a sucker for a vampire. Even have my own (really bad) story I wrote.

    I like the tension he causes with the answering of unasked questions.

  9. Very unnerving that he can read thoughts. That is creepy....and good.