Friday, August 24, 2012

Charlotte's Story-Write on Edge


Charlotte opening the door of the draper’s shop, stepped out to the High Street.  She had picked out some calico and muslin, intended for new Spring dresses.   Charlotte would copy fashion plates of the latest fashion from London, and created lovely frocks, that were the envy of the neighborhood.
A blustery wind chilled her as she quickly turned onto Church Street.  She collided into the Rev. Stephenson, spilling her packages onto the road.

“Miss Percy, I do beg your pardon,” he declared breathlessly.  Bending to help gather the scattered packages, he continued.  “I’m in such a rush; I have been informed of a serious accident at the steel works. Two carriages, racing, when they struck a wagon coming from the mill, there are surely injuries.“  He smiled bleakly, as he handed her the packages.  “I must go and see if there is anything I can do. “
“Oh my, that is dreadful!”  "Certainly you must be on your way.” She replied.

“Miss Percy, John still works at the steel mill?
“Yes, he is a clerk in the offices.”  “Oh no! You don’t think he could be injured?” She cried.   

The Vicar put his hand gently on her shoulder to comfort her. “I'm sure he's fine, and will be home soon."  

"Have his tea ready and wait with your aunt until he comes.”  He smiled and took his leave.  

Charlotte arrived at the cottage and told her aunt her worries for John’s safety.  Certainly, he would have been in the office and not the yard or the road.  Undoubtedly he couldn’t be among the injured. These concerns swirled through their conversation that afternoon

Aunt Jane had managed to send John to the parish school, where he had thrived under the instruction of the Rev. Stephenson.  A good student, he should have continued his education, but for the money.  Finishing  his schooling, he went to work at the steel mill as a sweeper in the office.  Mr. Spenser, owner of the mill, discovered and encouraged John’s ability with figures.  Charlotte is proud that John is now junior clerk in the accounting room, using his small salary, to help his aunt and sister.

“Surely, he was in the office and not one of the injured,” Charlotte said aloud.  She tried to put away  worries and help Aunt Jane with tea.  Setting the water to boil, she heard a noise.


Flinging the door open she again collided with the vicar.  Smiling, he supported Charlotte in his arms and announced, “I brought John, he invited me to tea.  I hope that's convenient.”

I have added a single page for all of Charlotte's Story in the Tab Above to keep track of the story so far in chronological order
This week we were to write about a Collision


  1. this is a delightful, regency inspired story. It flows like Austen's works in the language and structure.

    A few critiques: watch your tense. It switches throughout.

    Also, in the dialogue you have each sentence in dialogue quotes separately. An example:

    “Yes, he is a clerk in the offices.” “Oh no! You don’t think he could be injured?”

    You don't need the extra punctuation between Offices and Oh no unless you want to add blocking such as 'Charlotte gasped as the realization came to her.' or something :)

  2. I feel like you do a really good job capturing the feeling of a historical piece. Like Carrie, I saw some tense switches throughout the piece.

  3. I love Charlotte, and the ease with which you make your way through Austenian language.

    Like Carrie, though, I urge you to watch your tenses. They distract from the tension and flow.

  4. I don't want to labour the point of tense switches ... it is so easily done and quite honestly it didn't spoil the story. A final edit would sort it out. Keep posting, I'm enjoying the tale.