Friday, March 01, 2013

Restless-Trifextra


Mikhail Nesterov

Restless, finally I sleep.
On waking, I expect a difference.
I labor to breathe,
Secretions wash over me.
 My body spasms.
 Reaching for your comfort,
 YOU sneeze.
 God no! I am not alone.

 
  
 

For the weekend challenge we are asked for exactly thirty-three words
written in first person narrative.



 

26 comments :

  1. Ah,the flu I guess?Once it enters a home,it takes everyone down,ugh!Loved the piece with the pics lending it an edge:-)

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  2. With the influence of the first picture this took on a tragic consumption bent, but with the second picture it took on a flu bent, where it became funny rather than tragic. Interesting!

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  3. added lines .. DANG! Now I have to take care of HIM, too?!

    :) well done.

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  4. How sweet of you to share;)

    This was a great little piece!

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  5. Lovely image! I nice picture painted with words!

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  6. Totally twisted my mind with the first pic - thinking of illness, imminent disaster, then realised what you meant by the 2nd pic...very funny and clever.

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  7. Great work.

    Isn't using pictures cheating though? The story is so much more in my mind with the addition of that first pic.

    Great story none the less

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  8. lol eeeeeww I thought it was something much worse (: Though a cold is pretty bad...

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  9. Great twist. Love the build up.

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  10. This is lovely. Sweet and funny. Nicely done!

    When I used to play Trifecta all the time, I had the actual judges TELL me it would have improved my piece to include an illustration. Now someone disses you for doing just that. Kinda reminded why I don't do it so much anymore.

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  11. None of that stuff in my house this season-knock on wood! Ouch! Enjoyed it! Thank you.

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  12. haha, that was cute. if not for the images, i would have thought those 33 words were leading to another tale. well done.

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  13. Very nice site by the way friendly and well laid out.

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  14. Love it! And have you ever done a good job of capturing the misery of being sick!

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  15. I wanted to laugh, but maybe the scene you painted is a little too realistic. I wouldn't want to poke fun if you are miserable!

    Great work!

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  16. My poor wife always encourages me to "Fight it! Fight it! Don't give in to it!" whenever she sees the signs of "Man Cold" coming on. Can't say that I blame her. :)

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  17. An O Henry tale told short and swift. Nice little surprise. When I look at your blog caricature, I wonder. Are you really little with a big head?

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  18. Very well done.. for 33 words :)

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  19. I never know if it's better to be sick on your own or to hobble through with someone else. Ack!

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  20. It's a pity we can't take it in turns to be poorly - to get at least a little cosseting!

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  21. That first stanza is lovely in itself, and then it sets up the punchline so well. Fun little piece!

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